Subj: On the Road VII: Chattanooga, TN -- Day 2
Date: 8/28/98

Greetings from Chattanooga!

Another lovely vacation day. I arose promptly at the crack of noon, brushed my teeth, brushed my hair, put on my clothes, and went back to bed. I awoke again at 1:30, just in time to have what I thought to be a tastefully phrased proposition rejected by the young woman in the crisp blue uniform who had awakened me by bringing in fresh towels.

She suggested that I attempt the proposed activity as a solo affair. You can't get good help anymore.

* * * * *

Actually, the truth, as many of you know from my 5:00am e-mails, is that I woke up at 3:30 and couldn't get back to sleep. I watched some TV (Animal Planet shows both Flipper and Lassie in the middle of the night, by the way), read, watched some more TV, wrote some e-mail, and finally gave up on going back to sleep around 6:00, which is when the deluxe continental breakfast starts.

Today's breakfast was nearly identical to yesterday's breakfast except that I had a bowl of Bran Flakes (not Raisin Bran, as I mistakenly identified it yesterday) in place of the mini-bagels. I also realized that in my list of breakfast items yesterday I neglected to mention the apples, oranges, and bananas that were only a platter away from the donuts and bagels, but then, anyone who knows me well knows that I get all my fruits from the filling in Pop Tarts, so you can probably understand the oversight. If they ever start making broccoli or string bean or carrot Pop Tarts, maybe I'll start getting some vegetables in my diet, too.

After breakfast I walked up to a used bookstore called All Books, which is on Broad Street a few blocks up from my hotel, and bought a couple of things. Then I came back and had breakfast again. When I went in for my second breakfast (one more English muffin with jelly and two more cups of coffee), I saw a middle aged man who wasn't any more overweight than I am (I dare any of you to touch that!) put BUTTER on a GLAZED KRISPY KREME donut! In fact, he buttered TWO donuts, microwaved them for about thirty seconds, and ate them with a fork and knife. I felt a strange combination of disgust and envy.

I spent the first half of my day at Rock City, always a delightful adventure, then I came back, rested a bit, and went to the Tennessee Aquarium, also always a delightful adventure. I spent half an hour in the Delta Country exhibit, possibly the single most humid 50 square feet on the planet. My glasses fogged up the moment I walked in, and within 10 minutes I was starting to evolve gills. But I just can't get enough of those ducks and turtles (not to mention the alligator!), so I stuck it out until I was nearly soaked.

Near the end of the aquarium tour I was looking at a huge ugly fish (an Arapaima, as it turns out, which is indigenous to the Amazon Basin and grows up to fifteen feet long) when a young boy, probably about four, came up to me, cupped his hands around his mouth and whispered confidentially, "Turtur," and pointed. I looked at the large swimming sea turtle and nodded. He pointed at a passing carp and whispered, "Fish." I nodded seriously, understanding the importance of knowing the Names of Things, especially large things that live in the sea, and of being four and curious.

By the time most of you get this I will already be back in Atlanta. Have a good week.

Christopher B. Burdett

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